I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears Psalms 34:4

What a week!  I'm so glad to be able to post to my blog. 

This past Thursday night seemed to throw my world into fast and unexpected motion.  After experiencing a mild headache and confusion most of the day, I began to have the most intense and severe pain on the left side of my head that I had ever experienced before.  Jim loaded us all up (the family)  and drove me to the local ER and it felt as if our world was literrally spinning out of control.  My head felt as if it would explode, BP was extremely high, I couldn't answer simple questions and couldn't feel the left side of my face or body. I had an ER doctor look at my husband Jim, and my Father, David and say, "I'm hoping for the best, but it's very possible that she has had a stroke."  He was standing directly in front of me and I just wanted to leap out of my bed and say, "This is not so, I will overcome this!" But, there was no leaping as I was suffering from severe weakness and a frozen sensation on the left side of my body.  Before being transported by ambulance the same doctor came back in the room and said, "Listen, there is a possibility that this could be a form of a migraine that can cause temporary paralysis and that's what I'm hoping we find that it is. But, we have to run test and know for sure."  I was transported by ambulance to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital and admitted for 24 hours for observation and underwent a number of  tests to rule out things such as TIA or stroke.  I held it together.  I kept hearing odd medical terminology that wasn't familiar to me and that just seem to breed fear.  My parents and husband's phone rang constantly and beeped with text messages from people offering prayer and support and encouragement to not accept bad news but to believe and hope for the best.  At that point I have to admit, I was just praying that it WAS NOT a stroke. I was feeling like any diagnosis (other than a stroke) would be good news at that point. (yes, I thought that, I'm only human)

After about 30 minutes, I knew that I was starting to feel a change in the level of weakness on the left side of my body and after a few hours I was beginning to feel even more improvement and so I just kept telling every doctor and therapist that I saw, "I feel stronger, I'm feeling a change."  They would all just look at me and nod as though they were unsure they believed me and would say, "hopefully, that MRI and MRA that is pending will come back normal."  I went thru the same exam over and over and over again.  "squeeze my hand." "Squeeze really hard, hard, harder, come on give me all you have." It never seemed to be enough.  The left side was just much weaker than the right. After seeing an Occupational Therapist and describing what I do on a daily basis, I became saddened, and troubled because at that point, I couldn't stand or keep my balance on my own.   Her comment was, "We've got to get your left side working so that you can play that piano again and function well enough to homeschool that little girl and keep up with your son.  You need to take care of yourself right now."  I had a moment of deep sorrow and pain.  I missed my children terribly and just wanted a hug from them.  Thankfully, Jim and my mother were by my side at that low point.  As Jim leaned in and embraced me and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips, I reverted back to the thoughts of "I know I'm feeling stronger," and "I have more control than I had even an hour ago."  After that, I just started declaring victory.  Every time I would talk to a nurse or therapist, I would say, "I'm feeling stronger than I felt an hour ago."  Finally around 9:00 p.m. the nuerologist confirmed that the MRI and MRA were negative and that I HAD NOT experienced a stroke.  However, that didn't mean the battle was over.  Now we just knew what we were and were not fighting.  The neurologist believes that I suffered a Complex Migraine which caused temporary paralysis on the left side of my face and body.  I had drooping in my face and could not move the left side at all.  Even as I regained my strength a few hours after the incident, I could not form a complete smile.  But, I just kept trusting God.  I also couldn't lift my left eyebrow (my signature) and the moment I was able to smile and lift my left eyebrow we all kind of giggled.  I had a Great Aunt who had called to check on me and the first thing she said was, "she's just not Shannan without those great facial expressions, especially her signature eyebrow lift." What can I say? I've always been expressive with my face.  Some people love it, other people think I'm too expressive..but I'm just the "ME" that HE created me to be.  I'm so thankful today that I felt like getting out of my home, even if it was for an appointment.  Even after being released from the hospital I unfortunately ended up dealing with a migraine until late Sunday evening.  I still needed some answers that I wasn't given and so Monday even though I wasn't up to it, I had to start over with Doctor's appoinments and trying to get answers. Sometimes, I think that is just as much a challenge.  Monday, I was starting to feel somewhat normal again and today I've struggled with a light migraine, but nothing that some Excedrin Migraine can't help.  I will be undergoing a "sleep deprived EEG" in the morning.  I will be up all night in order to get this test done.  However, once that test is complete, I will be able to begin a migraine prevention medication. There is also still some concern about my blood pressure, but I am trusting that God has that part in his hands.

I hesitated posting about what happened on Thusday night, but decided that it was appropriate.  So many people have called, texted, facebook messaged me, etc. out of concern.  The situation was a scarry one to say the least, but one that brings GLORY and HONOR to the power of GOD.  I have to give testimony and share that once again my God has been faithful to His child.  Life's journey was never promised to be easy.  Sometimes we get caught up in what my husband calls "Stinking Thinking", aka thinking that if we face a trial or undesirable circumstances, that we've done something wrong, are being judged, or our faith is weak.  But those things aren't what it's about at all.  I'm realizing each and every day that it's all about who's hand we take during each trial and who we put our trust in during times of need and that when focus is put on something bad that's happening, when HE turns it around, we should be ready to shout it from the rooftops. One particular moment from Thursday evening sticks out.  It was when I was taken back and Jim and my Father were trying to get the children situated. I ended up being in the room with just the nurses and Doctor for quite some time becasue Jim was completing paperwork and my dad was taking the children to my mother. It was a tough moment, but GOD was there.  Not for one second did I feel alone.  Once I started getting some relief from the excruciating pain, I was able to start praying out loud. I literally began to call upon the Lord.  At one point the Doctor asked me if I was saying his name because I wasn't getting the relief I needed, and said, "No sir, I'm calling on his name because he always answers me."  He smiled and said, "I undersand." 

I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears Psalms 34:4

Thanks for the prayers and reading my post.  I just wanted GOD to get the credit and praise HE deserves.

A Few Updates

April has definitely made it's mark and we are not even halfway there. But that's okay. Nothing is too big for God to handle which is what has inspired this particular blog.

Update 1: As many of you know, Jim became very ill a couple of days before Easter. He ended up having a Diverticulitis attack. During consults with the Doctor, we were warned that if it got as bad as last time that hospitalization and possible surgery would be in his near future. Remember how I started the blog? Nothing is too big for God to handle. I dont' want to blog too much about his pain and agony during this recent battle. I want to put more emphasis on God's healing power. He has really touched Jim's body once again. He helped Jim to escape hospitalization and surgery and the anitbiotics that have not worked in the past, seem to be doing the trick this time. Once again, God has been faithful and I am so thankful. Jim was able to go back to work again today. He is very tired simply because his stamina is not what it was before becoming ill. We plan to relax this weekend and thank God as a family for Jim's healing.

Update 2: Even though things have been tough the last week or so, we still managed to celebrate Easter and enjoy some more "firsts" for Micah. He enjoyed two Easter egg hunts. He was perfectly happy with picking up two eggs at each hunt (one for each hand). He also enjoyed dumping his basket and picking the eggs up over and over again. Alana also enjoyed the egg hunts, but it's really obvious to me this year just how much she is growing up. She still enjoys things like this, but the interest was a little less than in years past. Last year, I hid eggs for 2 weeks after Easter. This year, there were no requests for extra egg hunts once the first hunt was over. Even though Easter has passed, I'm thinking about coloring more eggs with her this weekend. Last weekend was so tough that we didn't get to spend a lot of mommy/daughter time together enjoying some of our past Easter traditions such as coloring eggs. I hope to make up for it this weekend.

Update 3: Micah turned 1 on March 16th. I am planning to do a 1 year celebration soon. So hang tight for details.

Update 4: School is still going great. Alana has completed most of her 2nd grade curriculum. I've been blown away by her dedication and motivation to get her work completed on time. When we started in August, I felt like I said, "Use your time wisely" and "stay on task" 1,000 times a day. But now, there are days when I have to tell myself that in order to keep up with her. She takes a lot of pride in her school work and she really does enjoy her learning time. I have decided that she is mostly like her Father as far as her interest. She begs to do History everyday and she prefers to do it first. She can tell me things that she's learned in History and details that I would have not really expected her to remember. She knows her Geography as well. The other day we were riding down the road and she said, "Hey mom, I'm ready to get a wall poster of North America." It was very random, but I said, "Okay, I'll get to work on finding you one"..lol. She has also blown me away with her journal entries. She's giving so much detail in her writing. I hope to share one on this blog soon. (once I figure out how to load) I had plan to go until late June with her schooling, but it looks like we will be finished by the middle to the end of May. How exciting! We will continue however with a light curriculum (mainly review) throughout the summer. For those of you wondering, probably no more than 30 minutes a day. We will continue to push reading this summer as well.

If you are enjoying this blog, please let me know or become a follower. It really is a good way to keep up with our family and the children.

Don't Come to Work Today

I had just finished a call to the sitter to make sure that she was on her way. Then, my phone rang and my boss asked, "are you on your way to the club?" I said, "No, why is something wrong?" She said, "stay home, we've canceled due to bad weather." I hope she couldn't hear the level of excitement on my end of the line. I tried to be professional, but I was so happy to know that I was getting the afternoon off. Our lives have been so rushed lately. I go here, run there, trade off with Jim with the children, meet Jim and trade off again, give lessons, work at the club, homeschool (have I mentioned chasing a one year old little boy) etc. Last night we actually met at my mom and dad's house. We usually drive to church separately on Wednesday nights, but I think Jim was afraid he wouldn't get even a moment with me unless he hopped in the car that I was driving. Even then, we were doing business. Go to the bank, go to practice, pick up egg orders, etc. (peanutbutter easter eggs, no we aren't raising chickens YET..lol) Thankfully we had a moment before going home to have a sandwich at Subway. Alana had asked if she could have a sub for dinner, since she had heard that the two of us had eaten at Subway at some point during the weekly madness. It was a nice moment that we all had together. And Mr. Micah loves Subway as well. I don't think we are too far off from having to order him a sandwich. (okaya, that was a little bit of a rabbit trail). So, needless to say, when my boss called today, I was very pleased to have the day off. I didn't do anything except sit down and try to relax. No, I didn't even watch T.V. I just wanted some peace and quiet. For a moment this evening, I had some feelings of guilt for not taking the extra time to pull things together here at the house, but that guilt only lasted for a second. Because I was able to slow down a little today, I feel like I can conquer tomorrow.

Sometimes, it's not until I get still and quiet, that it hits me just how fast-paced life can be. No one is going to give you time. We are allotted 24 hours in a day. Some days I use that time wisely, other days it feels like no matter what I do it's still not enough time and other days, you'd think that I was deliberatley trying to waste time. I always have good intentions, but the truth is, the balance just isn't always there. I find that I get weary, weepy, annoyed, restless and probably many other things. I'm sure my husband could paint a more realistic picture of me during these times..lol. I definitley do not do well when I'm sleep deprived. I also don't sleep well under the stress. So, being more busy or engaging in even more activity or volunteering for yet another event obviously isn't the answer. But how do I slow down when I'm just driven to do more and more and more. The answer can't be quiting, giving up or even avoiding new activites. As others would say, 'adding more to my plate." For me the answer is just taking moments during my day where I just stop and take a moment to be peaceful, thankful and humbled again. The days that I feel like I've overdone it or have too much on my plate are also the days that when I stop and reflect I realize that I've done everything in my own strength. So many times I start my day off with a conversation with God and great intentions of letting him lead my day. But somewhere along the way, whether it's during a poopy diaper change or a math lesson with a second grader who is not so happy with her teacher, I get consumed with my own feelings of how I wanted things to go and before I know it, I've totally forgotten God was even present. I no longer look to him and begin to look to myself for strength. When will I ever learn? Well the truth is, I'm learning every day and every step of the way. Some nights I look back on the day and feel so accomplished. Other days, not so much. But the truth is, no one ever said that everything I have taken on would be easy every second of the journey. I don't want anything to change except for myself. I pray that I become stronger in learning to stop and take moments to be thankful for this beautiful life I've been given and to be reminded daily that God's strength is perfect when my strength is completely gone.

I certainly need to take some moments for some peace and quiet other than when I'm called and told not to go into work. That's the key for me. Giving myself the time that I need. Remembering that each day is a gift from God, opening that gift and enjoying all of the beauty that he's placed inside. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. It will be another great gift that I will recieve happily. Nothing like being a wife, mother, homeschool teacher, etc. there's nothing like it in this Great big world.

Day at the Beach

We spent most of today at Mexico Beach. It was beautiful and peaceful. I watched Micah put his feet in the salty water and play in the sand for the first time. He loved the waves crashing at his feet and playing in the sand. He walked around with his little green shovel at all times. He stopped for a few minutes to eat a bananna. Of course, he would only eat it if he could feed it to himself, so I think he ate as much sand as bananna. Alana enjoyed herslef as well. She built sand castles and jumped waves. She tried to let Micah help build a sand castle, but she was so afraid he would destroy her creation, that she finally begged him to play in a separate spot. I have to say, it wasn't quite as relaxing as years past. Now that we have a one year old running around everywhere, we difinitely had to be very attentive, but it was still such a wonderful afternoon. We got some much needed time to relax and be renewed. As I looked upon the gorgeous view today, I was reminded of how creative our God is and if he could create such beauty and spin such a world in motion, that he is definitley powerful and creative enough to give me everything I need for life's journey. I had a few conversations with God today, but the scripture that came to mind over and over today and still rings loudly this evening as I reflect on today is Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I didn't go to the beach looking for anything more than a good time and some fun with the family. But, the Lord always knows what I need and gives me reminders of his love in such gentle ways. Today, he just happened to do it as I soaked in some rays and marveled over his amazing creation of sparkling water, blue skies and white sands.

Time Away

We have made it to Texas. We arrived around 1:30 a.m. this morning. We had a brief visit when we arrived (yes, at 1:30 am) with Pap and Nana. Alana gave a lot of hugs and filled them in on all of the current events in her life and Micah showed off in many ways including but not limited to: spinning in a circle, attempting to do a somersault like his big sissy does and playing a game of peek-a-boo with a blanket. Alana talked and talked and talked some more. You would have never known that it was 1:30 in the morning. They were both so excited to be in Texas with Pap and Nana.

Today we visited with Jim's sister Crystal and her 3 beautiful little girls: Hannah, Leah and Joanna. They mostly played the wii, Barbies and watched movies. The house was filled with giggles, squeals and some shouting on Micah's part. Micah definitely proved to all of them that he can hold his own and being in the house with 4 women does not intimidate him at all. We ended the evening with a 1 year birthday celebration for Micah. We had hamburgers and hot dogs and cupcakes with lime green, yellow and red icing. Micah enjoyed playing with the icing and getting some gifts.

Tonight, after everyone parted ways, Jim's mom and I decided to relax a little and tried to watch a show. Of course, Micah James had other plans. He somehow managed to remove the nipple out of his bottle and poured 6 oz. of soy based formula all over the carpet. We both frantically jumped up from our "relaxing time" and rushed to clean both the floor and Micah. Jim's mom cleaned the carpets and I put Micah in the bathtub. Micah then preceded to have a "Poop" in the tub. So, long story short. My first evening of vacation resulted in cleaning carpet and cleaning poop out of a tub. What can I say, he's a year old and we've never had that kind of accident before, so I guess it was going to happen sooner or later.

Tomorrow, we will be ministering at "The Dwelling Place" church in Vidor, TX. We are excited to reconnect with some great people who have become friends of ours. Looking forward to seeing what God has in store for tomorrow's service. This congregation has just completed a total remodel of the sanctuary and many of them are still at the location trying to finish up. All of them are exhausted. I saw many of them earlier this evening and thought, "Lord, I hope you give us something good for tomorrow because if not they are all liable to fall asleep on us out of exhaustion." But the truth is, I know that God knows exactly what this congregation needs. We are just open vessels ready to be used of God. Please pray for us as we minister tomorrow.

After tomorrow, I will officially have one thing in mind for the rest of the week. RELAXATION!! For me that comes in many forms. Sleeping in is number one on the list, but then there is always a little retail therapy, sight seeing and of course, the Texas Fair. Regardless, I've promised myself, my husband, my children and God, that I would let this week be a week of renewing of strength, so that I can go back a better mom, wife, homeschool teacher,etc. I think everyone just needs a break now and again and I am happy that this time away came when it did. Not a whole lot planned, but that's the part about this trip that I think I'm going to enjoy the most.

And it all begins now.....Oh, one more thing. Ohio State is in the final four, so Jim has had a great start and is ready to have a terrific week...lol.

"What Did You Just Say?"

I had the privilege of teaching Children's Church yesterday. My husband and I typically tag-team to lighten the load. Plus, it gives us both a chance to get to know the kids a little better and Alana absolutely loves having her parents do children's church.

I shared an object lesson with the children that they not only enjoyed, but that I thought is a "life lesson" from which a person of any age can learn. This is how it went:

Take a tube of toothpaste and squeeze a large amount of toothpaste onto a plate. Then, try to put the toothpaste back into the tube. Can it be done? Once it's out of the tube, there's no putting it back in. Remind you of anything? Now, stick your tongue out. How powerful and strong does your tongue feel? Flex your arm muscles. Doesn't it seem like your arms muscles are much more powerful than your tongue? Ok, the truth is: Prover 18:21 Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose. Now, do you see the power or strength in your tongue?

Once you say it, it's been said. You can't take those words back. I personally have wished that at times I could take my words back. But the truth is that this goes even deeper. Paraphrasing: From the heart, the mouth speaks. So this really goes beyond just trying to make kind words come out of your mouth. It really gets down and dirty. It's really about teaching and training your heart to have lovely words, thoughts and ideas within it. Another way of putting it: "What's deep in the well, comes up in the bucket."

My prayer for this week, is to not only become a stronger woman in speaking life, truth and encouragement. To rid my mouth of negative words. But to take it a step further. To rid my heart of any bitterness, malice, greed, negativity, ect. in order that what comes up in my bucket, is worth displaying. So that I can be a true light and vessel worth using.

I've often said, "If you're not helping, you're hurting." So, my words either help to build up and edify, or they do the exact opposite. So obviously, this children's church object lesson, was for more than just the children. It was to help THIS servant become a little more humble, open, and honest about what's deep in the well